Death

Once in a blue moon, I'll do some pages of work with IZ.

Yesterday, out of the blue, I took out an assessment book and somehow we landed on this page.

Using the tips, we talked about his fear.

He told me he is afraid of dying. He said he's scared he won't be able to play with his toys. He wants to stay.

His exact words: "I want to stay"

I wonder how much a 5 yo knows about death. 

As we think of the future, there are so many uncertainties. 

I told him each and every time we talk about the death topic, that everyone dies, regardless of age. One dies young, one dies old, one dies sleeping, one dies sick.

(I hope we'll be able to build good karma to die comfortably.)

While we are at this topic. I saw someone shared this book and its contents on FB. I took a look and was really thankful. Couldn't be a better timing, really.

At a play date we held in our place 2 days ago, IZ was ultra sensitive and touchy.

He cried over how I compared him with his peers over eating fast / slow. Seems like he has been holding grievances over hubby harping over him eating slowly everyday and suddenly he just exploded.

Then he also cried over me saying he picked fight with everybody. He said "that's not EVERYBODY".

"I want to kill you!!!" in front of everybody. I guess everyone's jaw dropped to the floor.

My heart too.

But I only repeated after him. I reminded myself I had to do the talking after the play date.

So, after guests have left, I told him I felt really sad that he wanted to kill me. Immediately, he cuddled up to me, and hugged me, and kissed me apologizing again and again and that he'd never say that again. I know he didn't mean it, but it was still shocking nonetheless. I wonder from where he got the idea of killing ME. Haiz...

So, when I saw this book "Missing Mommy", I wasted no time in reading to him. He hugged me and said he doesn't want me to die.

But the second round, he wanted to read it himself. He started tearing.

I'm so glad he teared.

He hugged me and kept saying he doesn't want me to die, and that he'll never say he want to kill me again.

Then he stuck to me like glue. Following me everywhere I went, and wanted to sleep beside me and all angelic.

Thanks Cobb!

Random talking..

11th Oct'15

Daddy promised to make a car in the night...

2 hours later.

IZ: Grrr.. why the Earth is spinning so slowly!
Me; why do you say that?
IZ: I can't wait for night time to fix my car!


3rd Oct'15

IZ asked for big drawing paper as usual, the first thing he does when he wakes up.

Me: you need to eat more to reach the paper on your own (I deliberately keep the drawing blocks high so it is out of reach or we'd risk chopping more trees)
Iz: why not you put it down so I can take myself now?

#talkingback


2nd Oct'15

#1:
IZ: I want to study in the United States of America

#2:
Today, while I showered him with my mask on (ya sickbound)..
IZ: mommy, you know where you came from, the flag is almost like United States of America. Just that Malaysia has the moon and stars
Me: Good observation, IZ!

#3:
Early morning..
IZ: I was just thinking where Mexico is
IZ: come! Let me show you where Mexico is!
And he went to the atlas on the wall and pointed right there, one shot.

Amazing, I wouldn't be able to pinpoint where exactly Mexico is without checking the words.

@-@


Few days before:

IZ: I think I want to open a dessert shop
Me: wow, dessert shop! Great! (deep down thinking what happened to the "I want to be a policeman!")
IZ: yes!
Me: great! So what do you think you'll sell in the shop?
IZ: desserts.. cake, candies, chocolates, drinks..
Me: wow, that would be a great shop, ^5!
IZ: ^5!

Lego

IZ: come and play with me, Mommy

Me: I don't know how to play Lego (thinking about my lack of thinking out of the box skills)

IZ: you don't know? you can make ANYTHING with Lego, you know?

His creation - Rapunzel
(really anything huh)

"Why should I?"

"Why should I?" X 1000 times a day..

Sometimes, it's really tempting to tell him "coz I said so"...

More talking!

Acknowledging his feeling

Yesterday, whilst in the car. Same scnenario happened again and again..

IZ: you are driving too fast, daddy!
Dad: (glancing at speedometer - 75km/h) no, I'm not..
IZ: yes you are! Its dangerous!
Dad: no, it's not fast

(above scenario will ongoing until IZ is distracted with other stuffs..) X N times

Immediately, I recognised an opportunity to put what I read in "How to talk so kids listen, how to listen so kids talk" book I borrowed recently, on acknowledging children's feelings.

Me: it sure feels like daddy is driving very fast right? But he's not you know..
IZ: ya, I feel very fast!
Me: he's driving within the speed limit

And the conversation ended there. No argument.

Power of acknowledging his feeling.


You didn't see!

IZ: I draw this clock from Thank You For Being My Best Friend book (in the school)
Me: (acknowledging) I see..
IZ: No, you didn't see, you were at work!
Me: @-@

"I'm sorry"

This morning, IZ asked if he could play before he was willing to wake up open his eyes. I told him yes..

But he wanted to poo..

At the end, we didn't have time to play, and it was time to leave the house.

He was grumbling and nagging "Mommy said I can play!" with his super sour face.

I tried explaining "Yes, I did. But that was before you poo, now we do not have time already"

He was not satisfied, he repeated a few times "But Mommy said I can play!!"

Don't know what else to say, I said "I'm sorry 'k, I'll wake you up tomorrow to let you play".

He nodded, and that's it.

Forgiven and forgotten.. for today.

I'm a hardy

Me: your daddy will spoil you

IZ: I'm so hard, cannot spoil me 

I can't fly without wings...

Last night, while we were heading home from IZ's art class, I realised to my horror I forgot to buckle him in his car seat!

Me: next time, if I forget to buckle you up, you must remind me ok?
IZ: why? (munching away his Butter Boom hungrily)
Me: if you do not buckle up, you'll fly out from the car if daddy jams emergency brake
IZ: but I don't have wings, I can't fly!

Talking back...

There was a phase when IZ liked to say "I don't like you, go away". I didn't know what to do. I was the one he said to, the most then. It was hurtful, but I know he didn't mean it that way. And then I had to be away for a business trip (after not traveling for some time), and he stopped telling me that. For fear I would go and never come back I presume.

Then he randomly said that to his grandma and also helper.

I read up about handling this phase and I took both gentle and hard approach.

I told him I understand when he said that, he actually didn't like what they asked or told him to do. He actually didn't mean them personally. He nodded.

I reasoned: "But, in my house, at my home, everyone has to like everybody. If I ever heard anybody said he or she doesn't like anybody, that person who said that would have to leave this house. Since you do not like grandma or helper, you should walk out, I'll open the door for you."

Since then, the frequency reduced and eventually stopped altogether, and he took on to saying specifically what he didn't like about.

"I don't like it when you say that to me, that's not nice!" he would go.

So it worked.

Last night while we were having dinner, he was upset over something and was frowning and throwing tantrum to the helper.

"IZ, your face doesn't look good. I know you are upset, but I don't like the way your face show it. It's ugly and I don't like the way you talk."

He replied "then you should go out" and pointed to the door.

So, he talked back eh? I was laughing deep down inside! I got my own medicine?

Not admitting defeat, I told him, "I didn't say I don't like you, I'm saying the face is not nice. It's not a happy thing to be upset over something so trivial. There's way to resolve it."

Way to go, my dear son.